Unconflicted love

Hands plunged in a hot soapy sink, I was listening to Wayne Dyer.
I often do, as I am sure I have mentioned before.
There are three spiritual teachers I listen to, who never fail to put my world back on its axis when it’s threatening to wobble off it: Dr Wayne Dyer, Dr David Hawkins, and the Rev Kusala – wonderful beings all.

So, the recording I was listening to is called: “Being in the Moment” and is billed as a ‘Self-Help Classic’. I have to try not to sneer at that, since it is far too banal and ordinary a term for such inspirational creations, in my opinion. And, interestingly, he addresses ‘opinion’ in this particular recording, so I should – here and now – acknowledge that my opinion is worth considerably less than the computer it’s written on. Have a listen and make up your own mind! 😉

Anyway, I was precisely thirty-eight and a half minutes into it when I heard exactly what I had needed to hear for that day.
(I have become a creature of faith – if you set yourself on the right track, with the right intention, and with integrity, you’ll find what you need to find. Or it will find you…)

He uttered the following words:

“The greatest cause of stress in our world is being in an unresolved relationship.”

I stopped dead.

I knew just what he meant.

He wasn’t, he went on to explain, talking about divorce, or marriage, or the workplace. Nothing as specific as that. No, he was talking about:

“…living on a daily basis in a relationship which you know is unresolved…”

You know the sort of thing – should you still be trying here? Are you hoping the other person / people will change? Are you holding out till things improve?

Here, I need to quote him verbatim:

“Living in unconflicted love means I can look out into the world, at the people that I love… and unconditionally, in an unconflicted way, say ‘I. Can. Love. You.’ And my definition is that you don’t have to meet my expectations, and I don’t want to be told to meet yours, and if you can just pass that test, you’re in unconflicted love.
If you’re not, resolve it. Resolve it. Whether it’s getting it back together and making it work on a daily basis, or getting the hell out of it.”

(It strikes me here that this can be condensed to the ‘Live and let live’ philosophy.)

Flogging a dead horse at the expense of your own healthy personal boundaries, at the expense of your integrity, at the expense of living out your life purpose (which is, essentially, to follow your own path wherever it leads you), is not a necessary requirement of love.
If that is the price, then the chances are your relationship is an unresolved one, your boundaries have been violated or trampled, and it is time to have a reshuffle.
Can you re-establish healthy boundaries in this relationship? You can respect the other person’s boundaries, but can they respect yours? Can they learn to? If they can, then you have a path to fixing (or resolving) your unresolved relationship. If they can’t, then the resolution may well require striking out on your own.

Either way, as Dr Dyer says, “You will be in a better position.”

And as our children, who are whole people in themselves, set out at the beginning of this human experience, what better way to start than with healthy boundaries? Knowing that they are worthy of love just as they are,  and that anything other than that signifies a relationship that is not functioning properly.

Bon voyage, mes amis. 🙂


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