I sit here typing awkwardly around my little fat baby, 13 months old today, and I am frustrated as all hell.
I ought to correct myself there: I was as frustrated as all hell. I have a poorly man, a poorly son, and a little one who wants to be asleep but keeps being woken up. So he’s sitting with me and there are things I want to do! Today, I wanted to go to the beach with a friend. She has a rare day off and we had planned to go for a walk together: her, her pooch, me and my babe.
Then poor Artie succumbed to an ear infection. Rotten and rubbish, he feels miserable. His ear is so inflamed the doctor couldn’t even see his eardrum! And he was up in the night in pain. I gave him painkillers and he got back to sleep. Then Jem was awake with an excruciating stress-related headache. He, too, took painkillers and got back to sleep.
Today, I am too tired to drag my bones along the beach, but more than that – I am needed at home to administer sustenance and medications. More even than that, this is where I want to be. It is part of my role as a mummy.
What I had hoped, though, was that when the babe slept and Artie settled quietly, I might have half an hour to myself. I feel like I’m on the brink of something. Everything I pick up to read right now is pointing in the same direction and it feels as though the Universe’s signposts are screaming at me to open my eyes, sit up and take notice! The message I am receiving is very simple and is, actually, the title of one of Wayne Dyer’s books: Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living The Wisdom Of The Tao. He is not alone in this approach. I have also been reading Louise Hay and Cheryl Richardson’s You Can Create an Exceptional Life: Candid Conversations with Louise Hay and Cheryl Richardson. And, never fewer than three books on the go, Esther and Jerry Hicks’ Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest the Law of Attraction. They are all screaming (oh-so-gently) the same thing at me: if you change the way you think, your life will be transformed. Truthfully, I believe we all know this somewhere deep down. After all, the mornings we walk out of the front door into a sun-drenched day with nothing unpleasant ahead and not a care in the world, breathing in deeply through our nostrils and out through our mouths, don’t we feel infinitely happier than those when it’s raining and we hunker into our coats as we head for an awkward meeting with the bank manager? To take it one step further though, what these worthy authors and life gurus are suggesting is that we can be happy even on those latter days, simply by changing the way we think; that the external circumstances do not dictate our state of mind. That is the responsibility of our thoughts. Take a look at a child going out in the rain, before he has noticed the dismay of an adult. His first response is to hold up his face to it, jump in the puddles, marvel at how wet it is out here, compared to the dryness of the house!
Actually, don’t we know that, too? If we’ve got up cheerful, had a stress-free morning and then we walk out into the rain, we’re less likely to be hunkering and dreading, aren’t we?
Before my little one was woken for the third and final time, when I finally caved in and fetched him, I had started writing something about ‘rising above’ arguments. But as I wrestled my mouse from his chubby grip, I had a sudden mini-epiphany. This was what I was supposed to be writing about today. Change your thoughts. Today has not been remotely as I had imagined or hoped, but that doesn’t mean it is a write-off! Teddy’s happy under my arm and I don’t often have the time to snuggle with him like this. It’s an unexpected blessing.
All too soon, he’ll be off to high school like his biggest brother and I’ll have nothing but nostalgic memories of these times.
“Let go of your attachment to what should be,” I am being reminded constantly. “And make the most of what is.”