I Choose… NOT!

We were driving into town, my lovely Jem and I, and as is so often the case, our conversation was anything but ‘lite’. 😉

We were talking (again) about victim consciousness.

Whenever you talk about a spiritual perspective, or personal growth, or self-awareness, there seems to be this expectation that you are somehow holier, than other people… worthier… you know? Like you’ve sprouted saintly wings or something.

Victim consciousness involves not allowing other people or circumstances to dictate your moods, actions or reactions, right? So. Someone is ‘horrible’ to you: they blank you, they shout at you, they call you a name. You, in your self-aware state of non-victim consciousness, recognise that the problem is not yours, that they are operating out of some compulsion to make you the problem, and you let it wash off you. Right?

Well, yes. Okay. That’s the idea.

But we are all of us human. It is likely however that if someone, for no good reason, decides to call you names, or to blame you for something for which you cannot take responsibility, it’s probably going to hurt. So what do you do? Well, what you don’t do, if you are outside the sphere of victim consciousness, is wallow in it and feel sorry for yourself. What you don’t do is let it in.

But more crucially, perhaps, is the not necessarily oft-voiced truth that you don’t need to expose yourself to it either. If you come up against somebody who is persistently, relentlessly negative, you don’t need to keep associating with them. Why would you?

We often hear the adage: “Do as you would be done by,” but what about “Be done by as you would do”? You don’t need to put up with other people’s agendas and dysfunctions as a result of choosing not to judge.

Jem found a rather fabulous way of expressing it this morning:

“Even Gandhi would move seats if the guy next to him kept hitting him in the head!”

Well, you would… wouldn’t you?



4 responses to “I Choose… NOT!

  • Heretica Neue

    I totally needed to read this right now. Thank you.

  • Susannah

    I love Jem’s ‘Gandhi example’. So true. Your conversations sound like the ones my lovely man and I have! Most definitely NOT ‘lite’. 😉

    We also have a theory that we only react to that which hits a ‘nerve’ or pokes a ‘soft spot’ . For instance if someone calls you stupid, and you most definitely KNOW that you are NOT stupid, you would think that ‘they don’t know whst they are talking about’ and you would probably even judge them as ‘stupid’ for thinking such a thing! lol

    But, if you deep down FEEL stupid, or have been wounded around that subject then the probly off the cuff remarks of someone else will touch the soft spot, bring forth a reaction and wound.

    It is like the quote (can’t find it a the moment – by either Osho or Buddha) No one can MAKE you angry if you haven’t got anger in you. They can not bring forth what isn’t there. Sorry I probably haven’t put that as well as I could, but I am sure you get the drift.

    I really like this blog Alice – I am going to put a link on my blogroll on my Joy Frequencies blog http://joyfrequencies.blogspot.com/ to you as that gets a lot of search engine traffic and I think my visitors would benefit from visiting you too. 🙂

    Hope all is well with you all. x

    • erisian

      What a fabulous comment, Susannah!
      I agree entirely, although I hadn’t managed to grasp it so lucidly. Of course you cannot bring forth what isn’t there, so it is our insecurities that trip us up… And those who have the ability to divine our insecurities have the power to floor us… if we allow them to, right?
      So, I guess, learning to love and accept yourself just as you are, warts and all, removes the negative power at the source!
      Thank you, too, for your lovely words and your link; I am most grateful. xxx

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