On Judgement

Today I am struggling a little, I’ll admit.

The world I inhabit consists mainly of two camps: those who believe, as do I, in the old adage ‘Live and let live’; and those who feel the need to judge. I grew up with the latter and, these days, surround myself with the former.

I do not for a second deny anyone the right to their own ideas and opinions, although I should add that I often find the ability to research a matter entirely objectively sorely lacking – it’s a challenge for any of us! – but I do object to having opinions and judgments foisted upon me, unbidden and unresearched. I do my utmost, in this life, to give people the ‘benefit’ of my advice only when pressed to do so, and even then I am loath to assume that I know better than they what their situation is or what they ‘should’ do (more on the word should another day). One risks offending or wounding with such actions. If we all trusted one another to make autonomous decisions, even if they turned out to be lessons hard learned, the world would be a less complicated place, I suspect. I am of course aware that I am sounding defensive, but I am trying not to be, trying to make sense of something that I don’t really understand. As I said, I am struggling a little.

We are all of us travellers on this journey. Some of us are further up the road than others. Some of us were provided with less detailed maps or a faulty compass. But we are all, fundamentally, on the same path, whether we are walking it or have set up camp on the verge. And none of us can decide who is right or who is wrong – to try to do such a thing is to deny another’s subjective reality. What is right for one may not suit another, of course.  My point is that not one of us can know what another has been through to get to where they are, what their true motivations are, what their journey to this point has entailed, what is in their heart. Not one of us has the same experience as another.

So not one of us has the right to judge.

But in making that statement, am I judging? If you judge me, do I judge you back? I don’t think so. But I will give you a wide berth, since I don’t believe that living in judgement is a constructive way to live. If that is your way, then that is your journey and I respect your right to travel it to its conclusion, but it is a journey without me in it.

(I know, I know… “And this…”) 🙂

 

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4 responses to “On Judgement

  • Morvah

    Goodness, whatever could have prompted this profound post erisian? We of the Neptune in Libra generation rather misguidedly imagined that a complete lack of judgement would right all the wrongs of society so I don’t have a sensible answer except that judgement is a faculty by which we endeavour to maintain a state of balance in our relationships and systems. As you so wisely say, uninformed judgement is an unpleasant trait as is pre-judice and dogmatism. Plain lazy thinking is at the root of so much that is hurtful and wrong. So yes we need judgement and no it’s better if we don’t judge people, only behaviour and circumstance… or maybe not…. XXX M

  • Karen Bunce

    I SO get this. Thank you so much you are so wise about not judging. it is the only way to get some peace.

    I wish I could feel so genrous and forgiving as you But I have such trouble with mom. The only color for her is black. I guess she did what she could when i was a kid in Milwaukee and she probably loves me in her way and I guess i love her to but we just have so many issues that I cant see where to go with it.

    Its doing my head in, even tho i moved to NYC and away from her. Could be time to cut lose, but does that bring peace, i dont know

    I got the books thanks. Maybe their will be answers in them. I will keep reading them and your great blog.

    sincerely
    Karen

    • erisian

      Karen, thank you for your comment.
      I understand very well the sentiments you express. Very well.
      I’m not sure I know the answer to the question of cutting loose. I have found myself in the same predicament and I’m not sure there’s any peace in that either. Or rather, cutting loose or not cutting loose is not really the issue. The peace can only come from inside you. First, only you know your situation, how you feel, what you can or cannot handle and secondly, if you are acting with integrity and honesty, with compassion and love, then whatever you do will be right. And you will know it is right because you will have found peace.
      I hope that makes some sense…
      The books will, at the very least, help to pinpoint some of the problem areas and give you some clues as to how to handle them.
      Finally, and very sadly, sometimes others are just too invested in their own dramas to be able to move forward with you.
      I wish you all the very best.
      Alice x

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